


I Promise You

by arlaj



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15528507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlaj/pseuds/arlaj
Summary: What was Kathryn doing while Jean-Luc and Data were repairing the timeline?  This is a sequel to my Next Generation P/C story “How Do I Live Without You” and it is recommended that you read that first.





	I Promise You

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics and title come from the song “I Promise You’ sung by Judith Owen. Hugs and tons of dark chocolate go out to my super Beta... thanks dear :)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer Paramount owns it all. I am merely playing in the Star Trek sandbox and will return all, including pails and shovels, when I am done. This is a work of amateur fan fiction and no infringement on the owner's copyright is meant.

****

_I will move Heaven_  
  
I will move Hell and Earth to be where you are  
  
I will move Heaven  
  
And it may take this life  
  
It may take forever  
  
But I promise you. 

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Kathryn stood on the balcony of her apartment looking down on the lights of Starfleet Headquarters. She released a heavy sigh as she took a sip of her wine. The sweet, yet tart flavor exploded on her tongue.  It wasn’t replicated wine, but a treasured bottle from Picard’s home vineyard; a gift for her last birthday.

Kathryn’s thoughts settled on her friend. He and Data should arrive on the Guardian Planet in just a few hours, and if all went as they’d hoped, the morning light would bring with it new lives for all of them.  She couldn’t stop the shiver of anticipation that skipped up her spine.

A part of her knew that even if the timeline was reset, Chakotay could still have been killed at some other point and time, but a glimmer of hope remained.  She had to hold onto that hope because if she didn’t, well she wasn’t sure she could move forward and continue on after this.

Kathryn finished her wine and stepped back inside. After setting her empty glass in the dishwasher she crossed the apartment to her bedroom. She moved to the mirrored vanity and slipped off her robe, draping it over the chair.  She looked up, seeing her reflection in the mirror and felt the beginning of tears upon seeing the tattoo on her left shoulder. It was a daily reminder of the man; the life and the love she had lost.

Phoebe, her sister, had begged Kathryn to have the tattoo removed; to spare her all the pain and memories that seeing it brought but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The tattoo and the memories were all she had left of Chakotay.

The tears flowed freely now as the memories of the other great loss she’d suffered assailed her, and the pain of that memory was like a sword through her heart.  Pressing her hands to her abdomen, Kathryn held them there as the memory washed over her.

 

The night before the final battle was to be fought, the fleet had gathered in a staging area near Kronos. Chakotay had beamed over from the Titan and they’d spent the night together. She’d told him her news and the memory of the joy in his dark eyes when she’d told him he was going to be a father, further shredded the remains of her heart.

They’d made love long into the night and when morning came there was no more time for joy; no more time for words. They’d each headed to their separate battles. He, to face the Borg with twenty ships from the fleet and her, with the rest of the Fleet to face the Klingons.

The battle had been fierce and there was heavy loss on both sides.   It had been the Federation’s last offensive, and if they’d failed, then all would have been lost.

Voyager had been badly damaged but was still in the battle.  Their shields dangerously low, her Chief Engineer had worked feverously to try and get them up to a higher strength when they were hit with another torpedo. The console she’d been standing near had exploded and she’d been thrown back into the bulkhead. 

She’d dragged herself to her feet, her head bleeding from a gash on her forehead and her heart had broken when she’d felt the severe cramps and pain that ripped through her abdomen, signaling the start of a miscarriage.  She’d known she could go down to Sickbay and the Doctor could have most likely saved her baby, but she’d also known that she couldn’t leave the Bridge then with most of her Bridge crew dead or incapacitated.  If she’d left then, the battle, for them at least, would have been lost and so she’d stayed.  The needs of the many.

Kathryn had held back her grief as the pain and cramping increased and she’d felt the bleeding start but still, she’d remained and done her duty.  But the cost of that duty, for her at least, had been so very dear.

And then the tide had turned, and the battle was won; the Federation the victors. While the Fleet had been assessing their damage the call had come; a lone voice from the battle with the Borg. The channel had opened and the image on the view-screen had filled Kathryn with horror.

_  
_

_  
_

_The devastation she saw on the Titan’s bridge seized her heart with dread. **No one could be alive in that, could they? And yet someone must have sent out the call.**_

_Nearly all the bridge crew were dead with the exception of the Comm’s officer, slumped over her console, and given the extent of the burns on her face and torso, she wouldn’t be alive much longer. It was obvious that she’d used the last of her strength to put through the call for her Captain._

_The soft voice of the Computer was counting down the self-destruct sequence. Kathryn knew in her heart that Chakotay would not have ordered the self-destruct unless there had been no other option._

_Her eyes searched frantically for any sign of him and when she found him, she couldn’t help but gasp out his name._

_“Chakotay?!”_

_He lay not far from his command chair and was pinned underneath a large piece of bulkhead. Chakotay turned his head at the sound of her voice._

_“Kat? Is that you?” he called out, his voice lacking its usual strength._

_“Yes,” she choked out.  “It’s me.”_

_“Good.” He sighed. “The battle is lost and most of our ships are gone, either destroyed or assimilated. The Vesta and the Pollux were able to get away. I transferred what was left of my crew to them and stayed behind to engage the Borg and give them time to get away.  They were badly damaged; warp engines are irreparable, and they have only impulse engines and five days of life support.  You… You must find them before it is too late.”_

_“I promise. We’ll find them.”_

_“I know you will,” he replied, his voice getting weaker with each word.  “Kat… there’s not much time left.  I set the self-destruct because I won’t let the Borg have what’s left of my crew… they won’t get any of us…”_

_“I know…”_

_“But I had to see you one last time… I had to say goodbye while there was still time.”_

**_“10 “_ ** _the computer called out._

_Kathryn didn’t care now about protocol or duty or that they were talking on an open channel – all that mattered right now was that the man she loved was dying and she was powerless to prevent it._

**_“5”,_ ** _Even if it were possible, there was no stopping the self-destruct now.  Once the five-second mark had passed – the warp core breach was inevitable._

_“I love you, Kat. I always will.”_

_“I love you too.”_

**_“3”_ **

_“And tell our child that their father loved them very much,” Chakotay breathed_

_Kathryn bit back a sob—she couldn’t tell him that there never would be a child, not now._

**_“1”_ **

_The warp core went critical, then exploded, and with it, each section of the ship. The bridge was the last to go, and the last thing Kathryn saw before the Titan’s bridge went up in a fireball, was the look in her lover’s dark eyes._

  


  


It was a look that still haunted her to this very day – more than two years later.

She didn’t remember anything that happened after that… only that she’d woken up in Sickbay three days later, and was told she’d collapsed shortly after the Titan’s destruction from massive blood loss and exhaustion.  She’d also been told that the Vesta and Pollux had been found, and their crews evacuated from the damaged vessels to ships more spaceworthy. The Vesta and Pollux were towed back to space dock where they were decommissioned and scrapped. They would never fly again.

A few days later, one of Chakotay’s crew members had sought her out, carrying a message he’d entrusted to her care in case he didn’t survive, a message for her.

It was months before she could bring herself to view his final message, and when she finally had, it had brought her to her knees--- the pain and grief of his loss an open gaping wound in her soul.  Kathryn knew then that she would never command another starship --- she no longer had the heart for it… her courage and her strength had gone with Chakotay.  She gratefully accepted the promotion to Admiral and was stationed at Starfleet Headquarters.  While there were times when she longed to see space again she’d never regretted her decision.

Kathryn turned away and crossed to the bed. She pulled back the covers and slid between the cool sheets. Dragging the covers up over herself, she rolled onto her side and looked at the framed photograph on her nightstand.

“Goodnight my Angry Warrior,” she said softly as she reached out to trace the lines of his smiling face. “I miss you so very much,” she added, then released a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She was having the oddest dream.

Kathryn knew it couldn’t possibly be so, but she heard the faint, familiar thrum of warp engines. More importantly, they were Voyager’s warp engines, for that was a sound she knew as well as she did her own heartbeat.

As she came more fully awake, Kathryn became aware of other sounds and scents around her.

The sound of breathing, soft and low was coming from someone asleep in the bed beside her, and she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. It was a scent, however, that brought her fully awake. It was a scent she’d smelled for the last time, a lifetime ago.  It was the unmistakable aroma of Chakotay’s cologne and the subtle underlying scent that was his alone.

Kathryn took a deep breath and held it. She was afraid; more afraid of turning and facing the man next to her then she had been of anything else in her life. She wasn’t sure she had the courage to face him and have confirmed that this was, in fact, just a cruel dream.

Kathryn released the breath she had been holding, and without rolling over, she slowly opened her eyes.

The dim glow of starlight that shone through the viewport window behind the bed confirmed that she was indeed on a starship.

 _Okay, Kathryn, you can do this,_ she thought and was about to roll over when a cry shattered the peaceful quiet.

“Mama. Mama. Mama come.”  A little voice screamed from the other side of the cabin.

 

“I’ll get her.” Chakotay’s voice rumbled from behind her, and a shiver skipped up her spine when his lips brushed the back of her bare shoulder.

As he rose from the bed, Kathryn rolled over and watched as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and then slipped quietly from the bedroom.

Kathryn still hadn’t recovered from the shock when Chakotay returned fifteen minutes later.

“Caity had a nightmare,” he said, as a way of explanation. “So, Papa phasered the monster under her bed and she went right back to sleep.” He finished with a wry chuckle

Chakotay stopped at the edge of the bed and frowned when he saw the look on her face.

“Kat? What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Because I have, “she replied softly. “Oh my God it worked. They did it! They actually did it.”  She finished with a teary laugh.

“Babe, you’re not making any sense,” Chakotay said, and sat down on the bed beside her.

“No, I don’t suppose I am.”

“Who did what?” he questioned and laid a hand on her bare thigh.

“Jean-Luc and Data. They repaired the timeline.”

Chakotay frowned as the impact of her words sank in.  “Do you mean to tell me…?”

“Yes,” she answered.  “You see, up until I went to sleep last night, which, by the way, was in my condo at Starfleet Headquarters, I’ve been living a completely different life. In fact, for the last three years, we all were living different lives… the wrong lives.  Now, before you ask, I don’t know why Jean-Luc and I were the only two people out of billions to realize that there was something wrong with the timeline, we just were.” 

Chakotay nodded, accepting her explanation.  “So how did the timeline fracture?”

“Beverly was murdered.”

“Beverly? Jean-Luc’s Beverly?”

“Yes.” Kathryn nodded. “And her death was the catalyst for all the horror, pain, and death that followed.  It was the catalyst for a war, that when it was over two years later, changed the Federation forever. It resulted in catastrophic losses. We lost nearly everyone we knew.” Her voice trailed off and Chakotay could hear the pain in every word she spoke.

“Tell me,” he said softly, taking her hands into the warmth of his.

  


  


  


And so, she did. Every horrific, painfilled memory: from Beverly’s death to the start of the war.

“We saw each other when we could and talked nearly every day via subspace. And we were able to take a few days shoreleave two months before the final battle. We found a little out of the way planet that was blissfully untouched by all the horrors of the war, and the people welcomed us with open arms.

“We spent two wonderful days there and it was so beautiful and peaceful. We joked that when we retired we’d settle there,“ Kathryn explained, a wistful expression on her face.

“The day before the final assault, the entire fleet met in a staging area near Kronos. All the fleet Captains and First Officers gathered on the flagship for a final strategy session with the Fleet Admiral and Starfleet Command.  The Borg were using our little war with the Klingons as an opportunity, and they were encroaching into Federation Territory. They were attacking outlying worlds and small vessels.  

“At that meeting, it was decided that you would take the Titan and lead twenty ships to try and stop the Borg’s encroachment, as futile as that may have been. I was ordered to take Voyager and join the rest of the fleet to fight the Klingons.

“After the meeting was over you sent your First Officer back to Titan to begin preparations and beamed to Voyager with me.

“I told you that night that I was pregnant and that we were going to have a daughter. We were going into battle and neither of us knew what the next days might bring but I wanted, no, I needed you to know about her.

“From the first moment that the Doctor told me about Caitriona, I could picture our little girl in my mind. I knew what she looked like, I knew what she smelled like, and I knew how she felt in my arms. Even though she was barely two centimeters long, she was so real to me, not just a 3D image on the Doctor’s monitor, and then the very next day I lost you both.” She ended, the pain raw and real.

Chakotay pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled close, curling her body into the warmth of his. Tucking her head into the curve of his neck and shoulder, Kathryn’s voice was low and haunted as she continued.

“The battle was terrible. There were heavy losses on both sides and the Federation was losing. Just when we thought all was lost, the tide turned, and we started gaining ground and the battle turned in our favor.

“By that time, however, Voyager was heavily damaged. Our warp engines were depleted to the point that we could only manage warp 3. The bridge shields were nearly gone, and a third of my crew were either dead, dying, or gravely injured, and then a Klingon tactical officer got off a lucky shot. He took out half my bridge crew and the blast threw me back into the bulkhead.” Kathryn paused, took a breath, then resumed.

“I knew right away that I was losing Caity, and I also knew that if I left the Bridge and went down to Sickbay, the Doctor could most likely save her. I knew in my heart, however, that if I did so, the battle was truly lost. And so that was my choice. Stay and fight, and perhaps win but lose our child, or leave to save our child and lose the battle. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made.”

“You chose to stay,”  Chakotay said softly.

“Yes, how did you know?”

“Because I know you, Kat,“ he replied softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “You would sacrifice everything, even your own life if it meant you could save your crew.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “A few moments later we were hailed. It was the Titan. I knew immediately that something was wrong. The Bridge was almost destroyed, most of the crew were dead, and the computer was counting down the self-destruct. Then I saw you. You were pinned under a large piece of ceiling and I knew there was no hope for you. You told me all was lost and that you’d sent your XO with the remainder of your crew off the ship and onto two surviving vessels. You also told me they only had impulse drive and five days of life support and made me promise to find them before then. I told you I would.

“Then you asked me to tell our daughter how much you loved her.”  Kathryn’s voice cracked with emotion. 

“I just couldn’t let you go with the knowledge that there would be no child; no part of you to continue on once you were gone, no part of us… and so I let you think that she was still alive inside me and that she would grow up to be as brave a warrior as her father. Then we said our goodbyes, and moments later the warp core breached, and you were gone, and my soul shattered into billions of pieces.

“I woke up in Sickbay two days later and my life was forever changed. The Federation had won but the price was so very, very high and none of us who survived it would ever be the same again.

“Your XO Stephanie came to see me a few weeks later. She had a letter for me from you. You had recorded it for just such an occasion, and knowing that you were going to die, you implored her to make sure I got your final message. I have one as well, for you, if I should be killed in the line of duty…” she paused a moment, shook her head, then continued.

“Needless to say, it was a very long time before I could bring myself to listen to that message.  And after everything that had happened, I just couldn’t command a ship again. I’d lost my heart for it. Just like Jean-Luc. But unlike him, I stayed in Starfleet.  I accepted a promotion to Admiral and was posted to Headquarters. Jean-Luc took a civilian teaching position at the Academy.

“I don’t know how to explain It, but all the while we were going through the motions of our lives, existing but not really living, there was this underlying sense that things were not as they were supposed to be; that the lives we were living were wrong. Nothing felt right.

“It was nearly three and a half years before either of us acted on it. Hell, Jean-Luc and I couldn’t talk about our mutual losses until then. One day we were having lunch as was our custom every couple of weeks, and the subject came up. I don’t know who broached the topic first, but I think it was Jean-Luc.  Once we realized that we were both feeling the same sense of wrongness, we knew that something had to be done.

“I told him that if he and Data researched thoroughly, and still felt that the timeline was altered, that I would support any action they took to repair it. They left for the Guardian Planet two days ago, and when I woke up this morning I knew they had succeeded”

“Because I was here,” Chakotay said.

“Yes, that and other things,” Kathryn said. “The sound of the warp engines was my first clue, and I knew they were Voyager’s engines before I even opened my eyes and now….” Her voice trailed off.

“What?”

“Now the memories of that other life are almost gone, they are fading away like mist with the first touch of sunlight, and other memories are taking their place. It’s a strange feeling.”

“Oh, memories such as?”

“I remember the day I told you I was pregnant and the day that our beautiful Caitriona Brianna was born. I also remember that she and Jeanelle Picard were born two months apart.” Kathryn smiled.

“Yes, that’s right.” Chakotay grinned.

“I remember the night you proposed.”

“Hmmm, do you now?“ He grinned. “Do you also remember that you haven’t given me an answer yet.”

“Really?” She smiled and shifted her weight so that she pressed him back down to the mattress.  “I thought I had.”

“Nope.” Chakotay grinned and threaded his fingers through the heavy fall of her hair.

“Oh, well then, I suppose I should remedy that,” she drawled and lowered her lips until they were just a hairsbreadth away from his.

“Yes, you should.”

  


Kathryn grinned and was about to reply when she heard Caity’s voice.

“Mama?’ the little girl called out.

Kathryn raised her head and looked to see her daughter standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes.

“Mama, I’s had a scary dream, can I sleep wif you and Papa?”

“Of course you can, darling,” she cooed, and rolled away from Chakotay, making room in the bed for the child.

Caity smiled, then climbed up on the bed and snuggled down between her parents. Kathryn wrapped her arms around her and pulled the child tight to her.

“I wuv you, mama,” Caity mumbled sleepily

“I love you too, baby,“ Kathryn replied and kissed the top of her head.

“Hey, don’t you love Papa too?” Chakotay asked with a pretend pout on his face.

“Yes, Papa,” Caity replied, and gave him a sleepy smile. Her eyes drifted closed, and she was sound asleep moments later.

  


 Kathryn pressed another kiss to the top of her daughter’s head, and then looked up and gave Chakotay a teary smile.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Always, yes.”

Chakotay reached out and grasped her hand, bringing it close and pressing his lips to the back, then pulled her hand down and held it close to his chest.

After a long moment, Kathryn said, “Would it be alright with you if I asked Jean-Luc to marry us?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” he said, giving her a soft smile. “Do you want the ceremony here on Voyager or…?”

“I think I’d like to get married back home in mother’s garden.”

“I can think of no place more appropriate.“ He smiled softly.

“I’ll call in the morning and invite him and Beverly for dinner and we can ask him then.”

“Are you sure Beverly is…” Chakotay let the sentence hang but she knew what he was asking.

“Oh yes, she’s alive and well, I just know it. Fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to give me my happy ending and steal away Jean-Luc’s. Not a second time,“ she said with absolute certainty.

“All right then. I guess then all we need to do is head home.”

  


  


Kathryn nodded, then eased herself away from Caity, slipping from the bed.  She moved into the main area of the cabin, crossing to the desk, and pressed the intercom button

“Janeway to the Bridge”

“Bridge here, Captain,” Paris, who was on night watch, replied

“Tom, change in plans. We need to head home for a few days. Turn us around and take us back to Earth.”

“Aye, Captain. Is there a problem?”

“No, no problem. Just something that needs to be done as soon as possible. I’ll fill you all in at the morning briefing. Take us back home.”

“Aye. Turning about.”

“Good. What’s our ETA?”

“About 21 hours, give or take.”

“Good. See you at the morning briefing, then.”

“Good night, Captain,” Tom replied, then closed the channel.

  


She moved quickly back to the bedroom, and as she crossed to the bed, Chakotay, who had heard the conversation said, “That was cruel! You know he’s going to be stewing the rest of his shift wondering what the big secret is.” He chuckled.

“Let him.  You and I both know he has a bet on when or if we actually get married,” she muttered, as she climbed back into bed.

“Do you want me to move her back to her own bed?” he asked as she shifted Caity around so she could lie down.

“No, leave her. You know how disappointed she’ll be if she doesn’t wake up here with us,” she said, then met his gaze. “We have all the time in the world, my love.”

“Yes, we do.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Three days later friends and family gathered together in Gretchen Janeway’s garden to witness the joining of Kathryn and Chakotay

And as the vows were spoken, and as she slipped the wedding ring on his finger, Kathryn looked momentarily away from the man she loved to her dear friend. She met his gaze and saw the same look in the forest green depths as she knew he saw in hers --- the remembered sting of shared pain and loss, replaced now with the complete and utter joy of restored happiness. No one here in the assembled group, except for perhaps Data, knew what that alternate life had been like. The horrors they had lived through had left an indelible stamp on them both.

Although the old memories were now mostly gone, some fragments remained, but out of all that pain and horror, one positive thing had come - both would now treasure each moment from here on. They would savor the moments of their lives like fine wine, for they both knew that once ended, they were gone forever.

With a knowing smile, Kathryn turned her eyes back to Chakotay, watching as he slipped the delicate gold ring on her finger.

And when Jean-Luc finally pronounced them husband and wife, Kathryn thought her heart would burst with the joy she felt. She took Chakotay’s hand, accepted his kiss, then stepped with him into a new and wonderful life.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fin :)


End file.
